There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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