the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
