So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
