Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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