Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
