Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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