we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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