lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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