Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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