He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
