I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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