No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
