I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
