I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
where are my pants?
in the oven.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
