So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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