apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
