so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
