Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
