dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
