I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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