i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
