my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
