We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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