Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
