The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
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