Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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