he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
