Screwed.edu
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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