I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
