Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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