If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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