I got chris browned last night
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Every concussion has its silver lining
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
