I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
