2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
smell my finger.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
