I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Randomize
