Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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