i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Randomize
