Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
