I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
