Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
