moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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