I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
