Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
