I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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