I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize