You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
