Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
don't judge my taste in strippers
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
