I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
