he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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