Even the bartender felt bad for me
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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