You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
