Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
