Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I hope mine doesn't look like that
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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