I must be too annoying 4 u.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
