im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
