Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Randomize
