batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
