Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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