his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
