why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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