he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
where are you?
Hypothermia
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
