Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
