im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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