Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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