they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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