i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
