Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
