I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize