Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize