her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
