He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
