R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
