Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
