Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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