three words: i give head
three words: not that well
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize