I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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