Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize