shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
