Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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