Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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