Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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