You really coming over, don't trick.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Randomize
