I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
