And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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