I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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