Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
