then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize