No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
