Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
