she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
This is the high leading the old right now
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
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