is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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