I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
